Cough Twice Please

I’ve got a cough, so my wife brings me a bottle of syrup home from the chemist.

I examine the bottle, after taking two, carefully measured spoonfuls. I know better, now, than to try and swig from the bottle, as I prefer to, disregarding the advice of unknown doctors on the side of the bottle, as this behaviour tends to make my wife upset.

I used to know a guy who would go to the chemist and buy a bottle of Benelyn cough syrup. Then, outside in the car park he would drink it all in one go and then drop the bottle on the floor, breaking it. He would then go back into the shop and buy another, showing the chemist his broken bottle. ‘I dropped it.’ He would explain, smelling of cough mixture. He’d then return home and consume the other with a few cans of lager.

Such behaviour is required, as chemists won’t generally sell you two bottles of the strong stuff at the same time. Too suspicious.

So, I look at my bottle and say to the wife, ‘Didn’t they have any that makes you drowsy?’

She looked concerned, ‘Does that make you drowsy?’

‘No, no,’ I say, ‘It doesn’t, but it’s better if it does. You know, no heavy machinery or driving type warnings.’

She just frowned at me.

I’ll take few swigs later when she’s not watching…